Right, Yesterday

Octopussy,

(GAHA!) I never explained what I ended up doing all of yesterday. So, after feeling completely deflated by no longer playing with the band, I found myself laying on the floor feeling incredibly hopeless. “I have no friends! Everyone hates me! I can’t do anything! I need to tweeze my eyebrows!” Okay, it actually was an incredibly sad scene and I was afraid to be alone. Right after it happened, Justin called, being as he’s friends with all the guys in the band. He asked how I was doing, I said bad, but I’ll deal with it. It was a blessing in disguise — I’ve been feeling out of place in the band since the inception, and it’s a relief to know they were feeling the same way I was. Hearing myself said it out loud calmed me down a bit, and I told him I’d take up the rest of my issues with a therapist. It was nice to hear from him, if only for someone to wake me up.

So, feeling like shit, I decided to leave the house. If I stayed any longer I was going to take cold medicine and fall asleep and get a sugar hangover and regret it. I needed some form of catharsis, a healthy one.

Drove to the Mission to the piercing shop that I got my lip ring from. I’ve frequented the place surprisingly a lot, whether the ring was falling out, swollen, etc. I had my lip re-pierced probably about three times by them until about four months ago or so I realized how difficult it was to eat corn or properly wipe my mouth. I know the piercer there, and he always has a vague recollection of who I am, but it’s interesting that he seems to have forgotten that me and Justin were together.. and that Justin used to be by my side during these visits. He’s known Justin for many years, and it was nice to be remembered as a person and not as a couple, and he didn’t bring up Justin once. He stretched my ears and gave me a sweet discount, and I totally forgot to tip him! I feel like such an asshole, but I’ll go back in two months and give him an extra awesome tip. I’m a dick, but I’ll make it up to him.

Piercing and modifications is something I thought I got out of my system when I took out my lip ring, but it’s a really strange way to feel a twinge of pain but feel proud of the result. It’s like funneling my energy through my burning ears, and releasing it. Then afterwards, I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face and I have new things in my ears! How delightful!

Afterwards I took my laptop to the coffee shop down the street that I had never been to before. So, coffee shops.. they’ve never really been “my thing”. They were always a Justin thing. He’d go drink a lot of coffee and socialize and come home shaking. I always thought it was weird and so “typical”, like.. going to a football game and drinking beer. Well of course, again, my preconceived notions were retarded, judgmental and incorrect. I hung out for two hours snacking, people watching, and just generally getting over feeling so bad for myself. It’s like.. public therapy. Also I got to chat with you! Woo hoo! That was excellent.

So as you know I headed to Renee’s work to see what she was up to. I actually sat at a table and read/drew/drank tea for her entire shift – from about 5:30pm to 10pm. I sat. My ass was numb. But I had a good time reading and got a few doodley drawings in. Afterwards she was going to a party being thrown by Josh’s work. I don’t know the group of people at all, so it was more of a “Why the hell not, I have nothing else going on.” I didn’t meet anyone, nor did I really feel the need to, I enjoyed being out of the house and took some photos of drunk people falling over each other. I drove Renee home at 3, then went home myself.

Today I hung out with Ezra, he brought me what little musical equipment I had left at the practice space. I always expect the worst and was ready for him to say “Yeah, and also, I don’t really like being your friend either.” Of course, not the case. Had a nice lunch, not too much talk about the band but just other shit in general. It was refreshing to hear about someone else’s life for awhile.

It’s been a rocky weekend. And, oh shit, I’m supposed to go rock climbing tonight with Noele. You could say.. it will be getting ROCKIER OHOGHOAGHASHLKAHSLDshit